Shaving vs Shedding

Once you begin chemo you start the clock of days. I was told the hair was going to go and it would start coming out in 18-21 days. I needed to make the big decision. Do I shave in preparation or shed as I go? I wasn't sure. So, I Googled celebrities that I knew had experienced the same journey to see if they posted any words of wisdom. Fortunately, I found stuff by Robin Roberts from ABC Good Morning America. I watched her video on having her head shaved in anticipation of her chemo and I sobbed. This was way to painful and emotional of a way to go for me. She shaved because she felt it gave her control. I found this humorous. When you are diagnosed with cancer you lose most if not all control, anyway.  I needed the slow small steps of shedding to get use to my new look a little at a time.

I also knew how irritated and itchy I got from whiskers. I was concerned that, in addition to all the other discomforts I was and would be experiencing and could not avoid, like the tightness of my incisions and the other multiple crappy effects you have from chemo running through your body, the last thing I wanted was to be irritated and itchy because I chose to shave my head. This was the final deal closer. Shedding was the way to go for me, no doubt.

Twenty-one days into chemo, showering equaled 50% hair loss of whatever hair was left on my head when I stepped into the shower. Interestingly, that remained consistent until I was down to a few thin strands. Knowing this, each day I would take several big deep breaths before I stepped in, kept my eyes closed and at all cost did not look down. I certainly could feel the huge gobs of hair in my hands but would rinse them quickly with my eyes remaining shut. Once I was finished washing my head, I was comfortable opening my eyes but certainly was not looking down at the drain. I didn't need to, as the water level was rising quickly because the drain was piled high with hair. A quick brush of the foot or scoop of the hand helped move the water through.

This brings me to necessities for the bathroom. I kept the trash can close to the shower so while I was showering I could quickly scoop the hair from the drain and into the can and move on. I kept a dust pan and brush in the bathroom so I can sweep up all the hair that just trickled off my head when it was dry. This is like dealing with a pet that is severely shedding their coat. But, the other people that I cohabitate with did not need to be upset by walking into a bathroom floor covered in hair and slammed into the reality even more.

Comically, during this stage, I often felt like a cartoon character when I drove in my car with the windows down. I could see and feel the hair leaving my hair and flying around the car and out the window. This would put a smile on my face. Just envisioning myself arriving at my destination with the left side of my head completely bald and the right side still full of hair was hilarious. I may attempt to draw this out some day just to put in my journal. Unfortunately, I'm not a cartoonist. So, I'm not sure if I'll be able to depict it well enough so others will know what it's suppose to be.

Shedding causes a transition of appearance, for sure. Family and friends were always curious what I looked like as the hair loss process evolved, especially if we were together and I had my wig on. I was often asked how the hair loss was progressing. I got into the habit of accessing my appearance and relating it to a commonly known figure. So, for instance, I could say I look like Albert Einstein especially when I woke up in the morning with clumps of hair sticking straight up and in every direction. But, was also so thin that it was see through across the top of my head. Then as time passed, I would say I looked like Linus in Charlie Brown with a few strands of hair laying back over my bald head. When the great day came that my hair was starting to grow back, we finally shaved off what little was left so it was almost even with the new growth. At this juncture, I looked like Annie Lennox from the Eurythmics and joked with everyone, again to break the ice with humor, that I feel inclined to sing "Sweet Dreams are Made of These" and often would than break in song.